“Dating is like trying to make a meal out of leftovers. Some leftovers actually get better when they’ve had a little time to mature. But others should be thrown out right away, No matter how you try to warm them up, they’re never as good as when they were new.”
― Lisa Kleypas, Sugar Daddy
Disclaimer to my parents and to my kids. I assume you really are not interested or care to hear about your daughter/mother’s dating adventures. Although, I realize it’s kind of like a train wreck…and we all know we try to look away, but just can’t…but, don’t say I didn’t warn you.
I’m single. I’m forty-something and I’m single. I’m a mother of four, I am forty-something and I am single. I am a mother of a toddler who is one of four children, I am forty-something and I am single. I work two jobs, I am a mother of a toddler who is one of four children, I am forty-something and I am single. Wanna go on a date?
Now, the funny thing is I have not once sat home on a Saturday night pining for a date. When I am home it is because that’s where I choose to be…and I know a date is only a phone call away. Or an online message. However, there’s not really a large pool of folks who would gladly take on me and all I have that goes with me…and the limitations that go with being with me. They exist, but are far and few between. There is, however, a large pool of guys that would enjoy a night out…or in…and then go back to life as usual. Thanks anyway. Been there, done that. Check my snap chats and text messages. Those invites are aplenty…or at least until I just wrote that. I imagine that might slow my text alerts at 10:30pm.
Back to the small pool that would take on the whole package, I then need to do my own weeding out which generally leaves me with a nearly empty swimming hole. How do I weed them out? Well that’s basically finding everything wrong with them that might inhibit a long term relationship, or even a short term one. Red flags we call them. I feel like a fricking referee in my head throwing all the flags around while on a date, talking to or emailing these poor souls! Nobody stands a chance.
That’s not to say my red flag throwing is not spot on in most cases. Let’s explore that.
I was with my youngest’s father for about 7 years I guess…but in the middle of that time we had split up for a year and a half. I found myself truly single for the first time in my adult life and about to date. I was a thirty-something at the time…three children. Looking around me and knowing there was no freaking way I was interested in anyone I knew…my online dating adventures began (insert dramatic sigh).
POF, Match.com, eharmony…even christiansingles. I tried them all and probably still have active profiles on the bulk of them. I was officially dubbed “One-Date-Wendy” by my peers. For various reasons, that’s as far as it would go. I actually got to a second and even a third date with a few…but never a love connection. Why? A lot had to do with my well conditioned flag throwing arm, but mostly to do with my ridiculous adventures. You know, the one with photos from a decade and 75 lbs ago. The one who had three martinis to my one glass of wine and got very upset when I checked my phone…accusing it to be my “escape” to get away from him. Why yes, sir…it was. Buh-bye! “Mr. Disney” (yes, I nicknamed them all) who I remain friends with, made it to date two. By second date, I mean making out in the backseat of a compact car in a parking lot at the beach… That mighta worked in high school, buddy. In his defense, and mine, he lived up to his nickname and moved to Orlando, got a job at Disney and married his princess in front of the castle!
Not all my “one dates” were from online, either. “Construction Guy” smiled and waved to me everyday on my way to work…finally flagging me down to ask me if I was single. Yes! I was! Super hot, hard hat wearing, tan, muscular armed engineer wanted to meet me for coffee. Day-um. Too bad I learned during coffee that his wife was not aware of their up and coming divorce!!
I have more stories than I know what to do with. So, what I have learned?
Chill with the flag throwing. Mr. Right Now can teach you many lessons, about life and yourself, on the way to Mr. Right. And who knows…he might even drop the “Now”.