About

1004912_10202621934368603_1466482760_n                                    famplusem

About me….I feel like I could spend four hours writing and depending on the day, it would highlight different aspects of me  with regard to my mood or what the events are ahead of me…which is ever changing.  Except for the fact it would always start with “I am a Mom”.  Of four.  And I’m single. Again.  At 44. Living the dream.  No, really!! That’s all I ever dreamed of being when I was a little girl.  Some girls want to be fashion designers, astronauts, doctors….but I just pictured myself raising kids.  And that’s what I do.  The part I didn’t expect or dream about was doing it without a partner.  I’d say I am doing it alone, but I am not.  I have mastered the art of delegating.  Whether it be the neighbor for a ride or the older kids to give a bath…it’s necessary.  I’ve learned two major things: to say no and to delegate.

I resigned in early 2015 from working full time as a Private Investigator/Legal Assistant.  Yes, a PI.  I was in office mostly and basically ran the biz (that’s what they told me)…but I got to do the fun stuff on occasion, too.  Never a dull moment.  I now sling drinks full time as a Bartender to fund sleeping single in a double bed.  This allows me more time with my littlest boy until he starts school full time in 2016 and less of a cost for childcare. It’s my sanity…my “adult” time.  I get out of the house, I make some money and I get to socialize with big people…and pay the bills!

For fun I am usually doing something with the kids, but I do balance that with “me” time…taking time to exercise, go for a drink with friends. I also like to draw, or letter, in chalk and draw/paint in other forms.  I think I like chalk because I can make mistake after mistake and keep just washing it away until I get it right (Maybe there’s a lesson to be learned there).  I also have a passion for cooking…you will see many tried and tested recipes here.

And the most complicated and messy part.  How I came to be a single Mom of four? Not cut and dry. But here’s the condensed version…if that’s possible:

As of Fall 2015…

My oldest is 23.  I met his father when I was 19, married at 20 and divorced by 21.  He was not a model husband…and we’ll leave it at that.  He disappeared from the picture entirely when my son was about 9.  Still in the wind.  If he wins the lottery we will be happily surprised to collect the six figures of child support he never paid.  Despite that, my oldest has grown into an amazing and respectful, hardworking man.  He married a beautiful girl he met at church in July 2013 (leaving me with three now at home). They moved in together on their wedding night about 15 miles from me.  they have since made me a grandmother to a little bundle of joy born in May of 2015.  Lucy ❤

About two months after leaving husband number one, I met husband number two. Dated for three years, moved in together for two more years before being married for six years.  Nine months after our wedding night we had a beautiful baby boy..and unexpectedly two and a half years later I had my girl that I always dreamed about.  The marriage broke down after shortly thereafter (I’m keeping it simple here) and after much counseling…the marriage had dissolved too much and that was that.

Next, I immediately met Mike after separating from husband number two. An energetic, spontaneous, hysterical free spirit who I instantly and passionately fell in love with.  Problem?  He had an addiction issue that wasn’t apparent at first, but ultimately dictated the next seven rocky years of our lives…and ultimately his death.  We never married, but we had my fourth child six years into it. I separated from him (for the umteenth time) as an ultimatum and finally got myself into counseling.  I was hoping he would get better and we could live happily ever after.  He tried, several times. He died about six months after our last separation from liver failure.  His death was just over a year ago.

My post will be focused a lot on dealing with the grief of losing Mike…and my next love, Matthew, who I had a wonderful year+ with until he lost his battle with Leukemia in September of 2015.

So, here I am.  Mom with four kids (23, 16, 13 and 4…and a granddaughter) and working my way through life, trying to keep it all as balanced as I can .

I am hoping I can share some of the tools and wisdom (cough!) I have collected along the way through my messy and “coloring outside the lines” thing I call life!

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11 thoughts on “About

  1. Pingback: About | momdotcalm

  2. That is certainly a lot for any person to go through. It takes a very strong woman to keep it together and care for growing kids. Many people think life is measured through how many items you have acquired but it really is about the experience and the lives you’ve touched along the way. My hats off to you for your continued journey through life. =)

  3. wow!!! loss of words, but might I add keep up the good works!!!! this blog just answered a lot of questions I could never ask, your a hard working, strong will woman!!! your kiddos are amazing, family oriented kids!!! they are learning from the best!! I only know you from one place and have to say your doing amazing!! keep running, writing, slinging, singing!! be you!!

  4. I have worried about you over the years and have marveled how well you survived such an ordeal. I wish I could have done more to make things easier for you. I know you still have to struggle but for some reason you still have the motivation to keep going no matter what lies ahead of you. My greatest wish is that you find someone that will love and take care of you so life will be easier but that is like wishing for the moon. Keep your chin up and enjoy life as much as you can. Love you very much.

    • Thanks Dad, That means more to me than you’ll ever know. My motivation (aka stubbornness) comes from you. What you taught me was to take care of myself so that in this season of life I can make it through, you and Mom did that for me, thank you. Keep wishing for the moon for me…and in the meantime I will utilize the tools you gave me to march forward and continue to be loved and supported by an amazing group of friends and family I’ve collected over the years. I am never alone. Love you XO

  5. Impressive that, with all you have going on, you find time to write. Good for you. I write mostly for the therapy of it, and I can’t say my life requires a lot of therapy…really. I shouldn’t complain. I hit the jackpot on husband number two. Only prob with him is he only wants two kids and I could go for one or two more…but I’m grateful for what I have and I’m glad I stumbled on your blog. See you in the blogosphere.

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