Am I happy? I have been thinking about this…and thinking about blogging about this for a while. After a friend’s gathering yesterday, I was met with this question over and over. Friends genuinely asking if I am okay and if I am happy. My guy, Corey, was also met with threats of bodily harm if he didn’t deliver said happiness to me (poor fellow)! He didn’t ask for this, to fall into the wake of my seemingly endless path of bad choices and/or bad luck. But here we are.
Here’s the deal folks. I have…and always will be…happy. It’s a choice. I have been happy when I was constantly worried that the man I was with was about to go MIA on a drug binge. I was happy escorting my guy into Boston for chemo treatments and endless lab work. I was happy at gatherings and date nights not knowing how the night would play out…even though I knew it might end in some sort of drama, fight…or harm.
I have always chosen happy.
To a fault.
I am in a point in my life that I am choosing happy…period. Not with any other conditions.
I will now not sacrifice one ounce of my happiness or peacefulness to accommodate anyone else’s shortcomings. It’s only been my decisions that has had me on the path that I have walked…and honestly, I would not change a thing. It has made me who I am and has made the family I have. I am currently processing and dealing with the guilt of what my children and I have endured…the loss and the trauma…based on my decisions. We are all, together, healing and moving forward.
But in moving forward, I am just going to be happy. No underlying “except for’s”. In my relationships, in my career…in my life. Just happy and peaceful.
You only get one chance here, folks. Make it, best you can, a good, peaceful and happy ride!!
My answer? Yes, I am happy! Period. Finally!!!