If I had a dime…

I have been asked that question more times than I have ever cared to.  It’s the “first date” question.  I admit that I have asked it, too.  Many, many times.

My answer is usually the same. “I don’t know, but I know what I am NOT looking for”.  “Good answer” is typically what I am told.  And it is a good answer.  I have been around the block enough to know my dislikes.  Dishonesty, unfaithfulness, disrespect, impatience, recklessness, substance abuse…a pretty typical list if you ask me.  That was enough for me because I didn’t know what I wanted really looked like.  I couldn’t envision it.  I just knew the dark cloud behind me, what that looked like and that I didn’t want that hovering over my head.  Ever.  Again.

My fear of that cloud actually sent me running from a few folks earlier than needed, I think…but still necessarily.  I have touched on that before…the “red flag thrower”.

Recently, though, I have been able to see what I DO want and what I AM looking for.  I don’t know if it is because of the company I am keeping or the part of the healing process I am in…but I kinda like it. A good friend posted last night in a Facebook status something relative to what I am speaking of…and that’s what got me thinking about this.  More and more friends were adding to her comments about what a girl should look for in a man.   Then I saw this photo on another random news feed.

Now this doesn’t just apply for what you want in a man…this applies to friendships, too.  Which got me thinking again.  Friendships.  So many couple relationships that are working that I get to look at from my single-woman eyes have one common item linking them.  They are friends. Simply friends. They are not on romantic escapes, getting drowned in flowers, gushing that they are being showered with over the top gifts…those things are nice perks here and there, don’t get me wrong…but that is not the focus.  When someone is going over the top for you…eventually they will tire and the “specialness” will subside…then where are you? That solid friendship foundation is crucial.

I am beginning to see what I am looking for.  A friend. Someone who makes me laugh whether or not they are trying to. Someone who continuously surprises me, again, even if it’s without effort.  Someone who has the ability to make me feel safe and comfortable simply by being themselves.  Someone who genuinely wants what’s best for me.  Don’t doubt for a second I want that wrapped in someone who makes my heart flutter  when seeing them…even if just in a picture.  Someone I long to be with when they are not with me.  Someone I admire and respect as a person and one who thinks of me the same.   I no longer wonder if I will find that “right for me” person…because I am now learning what I am searching for…which means I can now see it when it is in front of me.

I finally have an answer to that silly question.